So this was going to be my blog. Tons of fun. I would have updated it after my vacation, or even from my vacation if I was organized enough. I wasn't, but I think we had a good time anyhow. I say "I think" because about three days after we got back from vacation, Mom went into the hospital. She never came home. She was dead within six weeks. I never downloaded my vacation photos. Truth be told, I don't even remember the vacation. I've been told that it was fun, but the whole thing is overshadowed by what came after.
I'm a wreck. I'm holding it together, but that's about it. I work. I knit. I go through the motions, but it's hard to even get out of bed. Today I didn't. This isn't good for someone who's supposed to be homeschooling, but I called it a teacher institute day and did some grading (Hannah-Math grade=75% not good either. :-( )
If I'm this depressed now, imagine what I'd be like if I wasn't already on anti-depressants.
So, one event and this whole year feels like shit. I can't wait for it to be over.
Oh...and I'm working every holiday. Hooray for me. Bah humbug.
This One Event = a life-altering (life-shattering, even...) event, sis. It's asking you to go against your nature, I think, but cut yourself some slack and let yourself just be without having to "accomplish" anything. The grieving process is long and difficult...and you have to manage a household, spouse, children, and work while in the midst of it. I love you.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Take more teacher institute/professional development/marking days. I think CPS has already had 3-4 already, in addition to the holidays. :)
Suz-I take a lot of "teacher institute" naps! I've conducted so many lessons from my bed that the kids think of my bedroom as their second classroom.
ReplyDeleteAnd I keep myself so busy that I usually don't have to think...but then everything catches up to me, and I realize that I'm scared and lonely for my Mom, and damn it I just don't want to even get out of bed sometimes. (Which is okay as long as the kids don't mind coming into my room for their lessons!)
Thanks for loving me. Sending lots of hugs back to you.