This is what travelling is like in our car.
***
"Do you think I'm fat?"
"Caleb, anyone who thinks you're fat is crazy. I wouldn't be able to see you if you turn sideways."
"Ha. Ha. That doesn't make any sense."
"You know what I'd do if someone said I was fat?"
"They'd be crazy, Hannah. You're skinnier than Caleb."
"So I
am fat."
"You are not!"
"I'd beat them up with something big and heavy and then I'd laugh and say,
'Who's fat NOW?!?' "
"Hannah!"
"Well, they'd probably be swollen from internal bleeding, so they would be fat. Ha!"
"Oh...my...Gaw..."
"Um. Let's turn on some music!"
"Hey, look! We're about to turn over..."
"Oh no! You're planning a crash!"
"The odometer, you knucklehead. It's about to turn over to 94000 miles."
"Oh. Why did you say turn over? Nothing's turning over."
"Um...well, if it wasn't digital, there would be little dials that flip over with every mile and turning over means that a lot are returning to zero. Does that make sense?"
"I don't know. I wasn't listening."
"The CD player isn't working."
"Maybe we could plug in Dad's iPod?"
"We need an empty radio station. I don't think we can get any." (our car is from ancient pre-iPod docking station days.)
"Hey, I can sing "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!"
"NOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Anything but that!!"
"ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!"
"Blah!"
"Okay. Okay. We'll look for a radio station."
"Who's fat now?"
"That's not funny."
"So why are you laughing?"
"You know, before? When we were by the pond? I splashed my face with pond water. I just licked my lips. Do you think I'm going to get sick?"
"You washed your face."
"But do you think I'm going to die?"
"Yes. You will die. You will die of pond water disease and I will miss you terribly."
"Mom!"
"No, you won't die! You washed your face. With soap. You. Will. NOT. Die."
"Okay."
"Are we in Illinois yet?"
"No."
"This is soooooo long."
"We've only been driving for a half hour."
"I'm not trying to break any speed records."
"Not like when you drove to the dump, right Dad?"
"What?"
"I was driving safely. Just not slow...."
"Go faster, Dad!"
"I want to feel the 'G's' !"
"Like at least one and a half 'G's'. Come on. Drive faster!"
"Oh for f...pete's sake. No one is going to speed. Not even for 'G' forces!"
Hysterical laughter.
"I
wasn't driving that fast."
"
Who's fat now?"
"What time is it?"
"Twilight."
"I thought twilight was closer to sunset. Right when the sun went down. Right before it. This is night."
"More like dusk."
"Isn't dusk before the sun goes down and then twilight?"
"No. It's twilight, dusk, evening, night..."
"Then midnight? Right? Midnight. Morning..."
"Early morning. Then dawn. Sunrise, then dawn, then morning...noon, afternoon, evening, twilight, dusk."
"Yeah."
Silence. Just for a moment.
"Who's fat now?"
More hysterical laughter.
***
Only four and a half more hours to go.
Don't judge.
